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But why would I save a world

that I no longer have any stake in?

A Guide to Talking to Your Parent Friends
I know, how many guides are there to parenting? All of them? Everyone has a way to do things and they're all probably right.

This particular post stems from a conversation I had with a good friend of mine. She clued me in as to why a person I've known for roughly sixteen years randomly dropped me on Facebook. I did the unthinkable. I did the most insulting thing a person can think to do.

I procreated.

Now, if you're a modern human living in a modern world it means you, like me, might be in the minority of humans who want to produce tiny people. It means you know the struggle is real for those friends who never, ever, ever want kids. Constantly do they hear condescending shit like, "You're life never begins and lacks all meaning until you have kids".

Or, "You'll change you're mind." That one usually comes with a knowing wink.

And on and on and on. These are most commonly hurled at my uterus carrying friends and it's exhausting. They don't want kids, man. Lay off 'em. It means they'll have well dressed cats and dogs and will jet set and do super interesting things with their lives. There is nothing wrong with that.

The problem is that then there's me. I want kids. I have kids. I always wanted to have kids. I wanted to be pregnant. It seemed like a super great fun science experiment, and I was a willing lab rat.

I knew I'd lose some acquaintances. That shit never really hurt my feelings, because these were people who weren't particularly good friends before I had kids. More importantly, they weren't even really good at being friends before I had kids. Oh I have to come to you on your time table or nothing? I live too close to OTP for a visit to be viable? Yeeeeeeeah, no. I'mma pass. No hard feels though. You do you.

However, I lost a person I'd known for sixteen years.

In retrospect we hadn't been close in several years. She lived at one end of Atlanta and I the other. She was kind of a shut in, and to be honest, so am I. We'd run into each other out and about for the one time of year we left our personal caves. It was always a lock step reunion though. No time had passed, things had just changed in our lives and it gave us talking points. There was, so far as I could tell, no animosity or hard feelings. We were just weird kids maintaining our own relationship, and I honestly had no expectations of elevating that to some next level.

It hurt a bit when she dropped me out of the blue, but I figured we'd just grown apart. NBD. Shit happens.

So when I find out that she apparently goes on active tirades about how babies are the friend killer I have to sit back and think, well, maybe I should enlighten some folks.

I'm approachable. I am wildly approachable. I'm going to guess your parent friends are also wildly approachable. We most likely spend too much time with small people who have limited vocabularies. Contacting us to talk about anything is generally a welcome distraction.

We had babies. We know our lives changed significantly and yours didn't. If your friends are anything like me we don't expect you to change for us. I am always willing to work around things. Hunting down a baby sitter can be tough for me, but if you're willing to put in the work, so am I. Again, I imagine same goes for your other parent friends.

So, how about instead of dropping us like it's hot you, I don't know, talk to us? It's amazing how vital communication can be to any relationship. If you want to friend dump us, we get it. Things change and maybe we've changed too much.

Did I mention talk to us? It's super beneficial to let us know these things. We're adults. Communication is part of adulting.

I mean, so my feelings are a little hurt at the end of the day that a grown up couldn't talk to me about her feelings. I'm also a little hurt that she feels she can talk to other people about why she won't be my friend instead of approaching me.

But if you're like her and you're caught at a cross roads let me urge you to reach out. It's amazing what a quick chat can do.

I assure you though if you're willing to put in the time and effort most of us will too.

Dear Nuvaring, a love story.
Unlike many of my lady friends I had grown very, very tired of my IUD. Like a reasonable human I decided the appropriate response was to try out the Nuvaring. Nothing could go wrong, right?

I've been waiting since Thursday to insert the thing and have made several jokes about putting the jelly bracelet in my vagina. If you've never seen a Nuvaring it actually looks like one of those jelly friendship bracelets just slightly smaller.

What I didn't take into account was that my body, after having a chat with my uterus about it's lining, decided shedding that post IUD was the best course of action. I didn't think anything of it because, whatever. Blood. That shit happens, bruh.

What I forgot also happens with blood is vaginal dryness. I seriously feel like me and Nuvaring had the most awkward hook up quickie ever. I mean, we did it. We made it happen. But holy shit. I haven't spent that much time trying to shove things in my vagina since I was fifteen and experimenting with weird implements. It seems to be where it's supposed to be.

With changing birth control and starting antidepressants I am 100% convinced my body no longer has any idea what's happening. Sorry body. We'll get it worked out in a few months.

Until then I think Nuvaring and I should have a casual dinner and talk about where this relationship is going. That or drink more beer. Drinking more beer is never a bad way to begin an awkward relationship.

Remind me to stop that.
Asked the universe for what I want and they gave me a stomach bug. Very tricksy, universe. I'm on to you and I don't think you're quite as funny as you think you are.

I also like the hot and cold flashes mixed with the runny nose and the weird lack of ginger in my house.

Mike gets back on Saturday but there is no reprieve. He's right back to work once he's off the plane. Just gonna cry real tears, nbd.

At least tomorrow maybe I can have my IUD removed. It'll be awesome. So awesome it probably isn't going to happen. Please insert silent scream of frustration here.

Also, don't ask me how much I hate helper monkeys this week. I hate helper monkeys. I hate all of the helper monkeys.

I can't wait until Friday though when I can write up the beautiful review of my sister marrying her boyfriend the minute he gets out of prison. I want to make this shit up. I want to tell you my life is really just a trashy novel I'm writing for funsies and my family is super normal.

In fact, I'm telling you that. Believe the hype. That way the crazy will seem fun and zany. Yes.

What is my life?
I was woken up at 7am by Mike in New York angry he couldn't play Xbox for work, so I had to get up and make an Xbox live account so my kids can sleep on the couch while feeling like shit.

Now I'm going back to bed. Oh I also made coffee for my sister in law somewhere in there, and ate a cookie.

Being the lady love of a video game journalist really is as romantic as everyone thinks, isn't it?

Also, the kids are sick. This week is super fun.

Super. Fun.

All I wanted was to send kids to preschool and get my IUD removed. Maybe watch some Gilmore Girls. My needs and wants weren't many. GIVE ME WHAT I WANT, UNIVERSE, OKAY?!

I have eyes, don't I?
Once upon a time I could write things down. I could make full sentences. I could think and write in almost actual paragraphs and I think Facebook has eaten that ability. Insert frustrated emoticon here.

My ability to read is dying and I'm not very happy about that. I'm pretty sure it's 100% related to my inability to really focus on anything. I have to multitask or else I end up going nuts. I've been fidgety for at least a year now.

I can neither speed up nor slow down. I feel like I'm moving at the constant rate of "the flow" which sounds positive except it's not. I have a lot of shit on my plate and I need to be on top of it. Instead I feel reactive to almost everything in my life.

I promise I'm not a control freak. Yes, I took a hiatus from writing. Yes, I took a hiatus from blogging. YES I HAVE BEEN INACTIVE. I promise I didn't drop off the deep end and become someone I wasn't.

Let's see since the last time I was here I have discovered the kids are on the spectrum. I've gone through so much God damn testing I'm pretty sure I am now capable of administering any necessary tests. We went through Babies Can't Wait and it was good. They're in a special needs pre-k. They are making huge forward strides. We got approved for SSI. That too is very good.

However, I need to be up the butt of the OTs and try to get someone into speech therapy. ANY CHILD IN SPEECH THERAPY WOULD BE GREAT, K, THNX. However, I'm so tired always. Fucking always, bro.

Hnnnnngh. I'm really not saying anything with this aside from I am a gold fish and that castle is so God damn fantastic every time. I need to find some sort of determination and focus in my life beyond I really like queso and chips and will eat all of them.

Also, hi. I'm trying to kind of catch up on my friend's list and that shit is super hard when you can't read beyond a sentence without getting distracted.

Oh, so I'm getting legit tested for ADD. That is also good. Maybe I'll learn how to be a people. Being a people is good.

(no subject)



Typing gloves
So I'm sitting here playing online, drinking, whatever and Mike comes strolling in and asks if I'm looking at porn when I clearly have a word document open. His next question? ARE THOSE YOUR TYPING GLOVES?!

Yoga gloves are clearly typing gloves guys. Don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise. Better grip and faster typing.

What the shit.

Fuck you back.
So I'm in the middle of a back spasm but I swore that I'd post so I'm posting.

The boys are 21 months and they'll be 22 months on the 9th of April. How are they almost two? When did that happen? They had tubes put in I think around January and their speech has started exploding. We don't have sentences but we do have a lot of Mama and Dada with purpose. Though Mike is trying to convince them to say Fahzah. They are A+ champion climbers and before we moved into the new place Seamus's favorite game, every night, was nurse, climb out of bed, run around bed, climb back in bed, nurse, repeat. Because he is a turkey. Archer on the other hand was just glad to wake up and get up. He'd pound on the door to let me know he wanted out.

Tonight I bathed both boys and let the water out of the tub and grabbed Seamus thinking Archer would just sit there and play with the toys in the bath with no water. Nope. He got himself out of the bath and put his naked butt on the couch to watch tv. Such wonderful, strange children.

I'm doing well. Work is same ol'. I gained back 15 of the 30lbs I lost, whoops. Now that I'm moved (mostly) I'm hoping I can get a routine going again. I did two days of yoga but I think I am officially in too much pain to actually do much but lay in bed and whine. I don't know. We'll see. Maybe I'll do easy yoga. I don't know.

I do spend a lot of time on tumblr if anyone is on there. Also I'm amused by instagram but I don't post a lot because taking pictures of things is stupid. I'm joking. Kind of. I'm a terrible photographer.

Blah, blah I'm totally drinking a beer and getting sleepy while I write this so I should probably quit while I'm ahead. Maybe.

Here's to more moving tomorrow! I think it's going to be books/CDs/posters and bagging up more trash. OH! And maybe FINALLY moving the pyrex bake ware. I also need to move a bottle opener. That's right I end up with back pain, actually have beer in the house and it's not twist off.

OH GOD TOTALLY UNRELATED my Mom gave me a Pur water filter forever ago and we couldn't get it on our sink. I put it on tonight. I have filtered water! I've started taking supplements at night so it's so awesome being able to go to bed and wake up to not crappy tasting water. Plus when I brew my coffee and tea it won't taste funky. It's totally the little things.

In news of the lame I am totally missing Southern Fried Burlesque Fest. Again. And I think I have to postpone the appointment I scheduled for my arm. I want to set everything on fire. Everything.

Bah. Really it's all good. I need to get around to setting up my pull up bar. Now that I've achieved the goal of reach toes my new goals are: bakasana for more than two seconds, headstand away from the wall, handstand on the wall EVERY TIME, and a pull up. I'm going easy on the chin ups/pull ups.

I am officially rambling. Whatever. Beer is kicking in. Maybe someone will want to sleep.

Why Hallo Thar
I'm pretty sure none of you are still here but that's okay. I finally have a table and chairs in my dining room where I can set up my laptop and not be attacked by children. I can finally blog again. I miss blogging.

I know some of the people on Facebook seem to miss my blog too. I AM BACK! As much as I've ever been here or there.

Tylenol PM and I'm a shit heel
So if I seem MIA it's because I've been hiding over on tumblr. I haven't bailed for tumblr. Tumblr is this magical land where you can surround yourself with liberal, hippy strangers and you can rant about politics and so far mostly everyone pats your bum and says good game while simultaneously loving Doctor Who.

I confess. I feel like I arrived at the tumblr party and fit right in. YAY ME!

I am actively reading LJ. Not so much commenting because the iPhone app is utter crap. Seriously. The FB app is equally appalling.

I'm writing a nothing post. The boys are 16 months. They're not so much talking as making noise but they walk and squat and pick things up and make sure I know when they want things. They're getting molars (yay). They've so far only had one hair cut that came from me while we took a bath together and that was, at this point, months ago. So maybe I should think about doing that.

Otherwise I'm working out when I can. I'm lusting over lingerie when I can. I'm existing and it's pretty good.

Where this post is coming from though is reading a blogger who talks about how she was going to write when. When she lost ten pounds, got her shit together, etc. I feel like everyone I know has that bucket list tucked away somewhere for the perfect them. It's why I jumped in with both feet when it came to burlesque. I knew there would never be an enough time in my life to justify taking my clothes off on stage.

Writing however. That's my jam! It's what I do! I am a writer! But I've not been writing lately. I'm lame.

I should work on that.

I love you guys but the kids don't love me. NIGHT